By guest blogger Alicia Ballard-Westbrook
Parenting, in my experience, is a lot like how I would imagine being a CEO of a small company would be. In both positions, there are many demands, a lot of pressure to make the right decisions and really, very little creative control. Parenting a child with autism, I sometimes think, is like being the CEO of a company that is undergoing federal investigations, has unhappy stockholders and unhappy employees. Oh, and another thing, there’s no salary or cushy office. In my journey of parenting a child with autism, I’ve felt scrutinized and judged. I’ve felt a lot of doubt (usually when I’m chasing my son down to give him his supplements) that anything we’re trying will ever help him. I’ve also felt that I could not listen to one more Thomas the Tank Engine DVD as I drove him to his doctor’s appointments, therapists’ offices and school. Usually, I end the day feeling mentally and physically exhausted and not looking forward to starting the whole routine again in the morning.
Somehow, though, we all do. We all get up and make sure that our child is getting everything they could need and more. But, do we do that for ourselves? I know, in the first year or so after his diagnosis, that I did not. I threw myself into the work of parenting a child with autism--- finding the perfect therapists, searching for the right balance of nutrition and education, and figuring out how to pay for it all. I was totally focused on trying to pull my child out of the fog of his autism. And me, you may ask? Well, I completely let myself go. I gained a ton of weight, often felt depressed and was almost too miserable to rejoice in Danny’s small successes.
After the initial panic subsided, (which for me, was almost a year), I began to notice how I looked in the mirror and it wasn’t pretty. I was extremely overweight and usually wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt. I looked tired and sad. I felt like a faded version of Alicia. Before autism, I had always loved fashion and dressing in fun clothes and accessories. I had always kept up with current events and pop cultures. While my weight had fluctuated some, I had never weighed as much as I did a year after his diagnosis. I had been a chatty and social person. I was happier.
I decided, then, that since the autism wasn’t going to change any time soon that it was going to have to be me that changed. I started carving out time for me. I began to go to the gym regularly. This has not only helped me lose weight but it has done marvels for my mental health. I’ve found that when I’m lifting weights or struggling with the steps in an aerobics class that I’m able to quiet my mind and revel in the physical activity. I’ve also started taking the time to make sure I’m dressed and accessorized each day. If I’m having a bad day, putting on pretty clothes and jewelry, makes me feel happy. Finally, I’ve made some great friends in this journey and spending time with them, even if it’s just drinking coffee in my kitchen, nourishes my heart. All of these things, an hour here, thirty minutes there, help me to be a better wife, mother, friend, Alicia. The time that I find for myself allows me to be completely present and focused when my children need me. Finally, it allows me to continue my fight for my son while still finding joy in this journey.
So, my question to everyone is: are you taking care of yourself as a parent? How do YOU maintain your sanity and joy in this crazy life?
Join us and other parents at St. Gerard House on Thursday, May 26th at 6pm as we share more ways to take care of ourselves!
