First Words of Hope Luncheon 2013

The following is Mike Farmer's "Ask" speech from the 2013 luncheon. 

My name is Mike Farmer.  I have been associated with St. Gerard House for two and a half years now and have been a member of the board for the past two years.  I also act as the Treasurer for this organization.

I first came in contact with St. Gerard House after Caroline Long gave a presentation about this new organization at mass one Sunday.  I simply wanted to tell her that Ernie Els, the professional golfer, had a Foundation for autism and that it might be a good place to request a grant.   Now, two and half years later I am blessed to be fully engaged in this exceptional charity.

For a moment, consider that you are in your 30’s, married a few years with perhaps a growing family.  You might have one or two children already.  And then one fateful day your family doctor gives you the diagnosis that your youngest child is on the autism spectrum.  Immediately you have a big question mark on your face and you wonder “what do I do now?” and “where do I go to get answers”.  In Western North Carolina, St. Gerard House is one of the primary resources for you to get those answers.  So you come and you like what you see and hear. 

There is hope after all.  You find that you are talking to people who clearly understand your concerns and have a plan to address them.  But you had no idea it was so expensive.  You learn that the Grotto School uses Applied Behavior Analysis or ABA, which is an evidence based therapy.  ABA, however, requires a one to one relationship between the teacher and the child to be most effective.  You like the idea but where will you get the money to pay for the school tuition?  How will you be able to afford it?  And then you realize, you will do anything possible to give your child every chance to live a normal life.

We in Henderson County are blessed with so many fine charitable organizations---all doing great work.  We are also blessed with a caring community who gives to support these fine organizations.  It sometimes makes it very difficult to decide where to put your dollars and where they will do the most good.  You have many options to do great work.

Families of children with autism do not have that many options.  Treatment is expensive and there are no plans currently in the State of North Carolina that provide for coverage under private or government insurance for evidence based therapy.  The few plans that do exist only cover autism treatment that do not have the proven results that we have seen achieved with ABA.  I believe we are one of the few charities that strictly monitors our actual results in such a way that we can actually show a child’s response to treatment and progress over a period of time.

This is why the St. Gerard House Board is committed to providing the best resources and services, and at the same time charging a nominal fee so that young families can get the much needed help for their child.

Our initial goals were to first raise community awareness about autism; and secondly, to find financial support for autism so that these families and their children would have a pathway to mainstreaming into society.  We believe we have accomplished the first goal of raising community awareness.  The second goal continues to be elusive.

Currently it costs about $40,000 to $45,000 a year for one child to receive the daily Applied Behavior Analysis therapy that is practiced at St Gerard House.  Our base tuition is $30,000 but even that is an amount few young families can afford.  To cover any deficit and to provide administrative and other services we have fund raisers like this one at least three times each year.  We have even made arrangements for some families to come on a part-time basis so their child and the family can receive some measure of help.

It is only through the generosity of our community that St. Gerard House is able to continue to operate.  If you decide to be part of that generous community here is what you will get:

The most dedicated teachers that I have ever known.  They continue to amaze me with their patience and love of these children.  And daily they work miracles.

A support staff, including a non-paid Executive Director, who works tirelessly to make the mission of St. Gerard House a reality.

You may also have the joy of seeing the smiles and tears of the parents of these children as they see the fog of autism give way to the uniqueness of their child.

Lastly, with your help, a non-verbal child, who enters the Grotto school, will someday look up and say to his parents for the first time “I love you mom and dad”.

There is a song we occasionally sing at our church.  It always tugs at my heart and soul when I hear it and I wonder if I am doing enough to help others.  The song starts with God asking how he will use his almighty powers to heal the lives of his people.  The words go like this:

                                    I, who made the stars of night,
                                    I will make their darkness bright.
                                    Who will bear my light to them?
                                    Whom shall I send?

And we respond:

                                    Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
                                    I have heard you calling in the night.
                                    I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
                                    I will hold your people in my heart.

Our patron, Saint Gerard, heard this call and dedicated his life to bearing God’s light to people in need.  Born in the 18^th Century he spent his life helping the needy and the poor, being poor himself and having an understanding of the sorrows of the needy.

He often gave away his earnings and his own food to the poor and those that came to him never left empty-handed. Sometimes, how the food or money came to be there was known only to God and to St. Gerard.

St. Gerard House has been touched many times by our patron saint.  When we have looked ahead and wondered how we will fund the future, we have asked for his help. 

As a logical finance guy, I can’t explain how it happens, but St. Gerard has delivered in our times of need.

Finally, the poet Kahlil Gibran, who authored the Prophet, wrote a wonderful poem titled “Your children are not your children”.  In it he writes:

        “Your children are not your children.

        They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

        They come through you, but not from you.

        You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.

        For they have their own thoughts.

        Their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit.

        You are the bows from which your children, as the arrows are sent forth.

        Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness”.

This beautiful poem has always touched me as a parent.  When I first read it, I could not quite see how it applied.  But through the years of raising our two children it became clearer.

I might disagree with the poet on one account.  I believe that children with autism belong to all of us.  We all are responsible to give them the opportunity of life that we have enjoyed.  We are the archers and with your gift today you will bend the bow in gladness so that these children will reach their greatest potential.

This summer I intend to ask St. Gerard to accept a rather unusual prayer from me.  I’m riding my bike 4,285 miles across the US to raise awareness for autism and money for St. Gerard House and two other charities.  Every pedal stroke will be a prayer request to St. Gerard that the work of his House and the Grotto School will continue to be successful. 

Located at your table is a donor sheet that your table captain will now pass out.  If you wish to donate financially or to volunteer to help us at St. Gerard House, please fill out this form and return it to your table captain.  If you have questions about the form, consult your table captain.

And speaking of St. Gerard, you will find a blessed medal of our patron at your table.  It is yours as our gift for your concern and generosity.

If your heart has been touched by what you have heard today, and if you share that sense of responsibility for a child with autism, please answer that call with “Here I am, Lord”.

Thank you for your consideration and your attention.  God bless our children.